Thinking About Your Ex Doesn’t Mean You Want Them Back

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I am incredibly lucky. I am in a relationship with a man who accepts all of me — my quirks, my neuroses, my anxieties, and most of all, my emotional baggage.

My ex-husband’s birthday is today. May 1. It’s a day I’ll never forget, because I used to spend so much time preparing for it. I loved making my ex feel special — he had the heart of an adventurer and loved new cuisines and cultures. It made surprising him fun.

So of course, I’m sitting here thinking of him.

But, I think of him often. Any time I fill out legal paperwork, I’m asked, “Have you gone by any other last names?” A seemingly innocuous trip to the DMV or a new job application becomes a trip down memory lane.

Well, yes. I did have a different last name. It used to be the one I shared with him.

A particularly juicy mango on a summer day brings back memories of our hikes through the Santa Monica mountains, where mango juice would drip down our hands as we tore into the flesh of his favorite fruit. An Ed Sheeran song comes on and it takes me back to the car rides where he’d roll down the window and unabashedly sing along to songs that made his friends roll their eyes.

You don’t spend 8 years with someone and all of a sudden forget they exist. Well, maybe you can. I…