Member-only story
No other emotion is as insidious as loneliness…it sneaks up on you and on the cusp of awareness, you begin to sense the soft grayness that covers your senses. A gentle, vague cloud of…something sad, something aching, something…tender.
It isn’t grief, though it can cause grief. It isn’t anger or rage or fire. It isn’t ice or contempt or resentment.
It is soft and achy, intense in the middle but faded at the edges.
Loneliness comes to me in the moments of my life where I know change has to happen. Either change or acceptance. Because I feel disconnected, in the place between this chapter and the next. I either have to accept where I am in my life, the uncertainty. Covered still in the remnants of the last chapter. Or I can choose to shake off the stagnation and step forward. Do something about it. Go after something, possibly fail, but know that I won for the simple fact that I took action.
I’m writing this, sitting in my pajamas on a large, comfortable brown sofa. I have goosebumps on my arms because there’s a chill in the air from the randomly overcast morning outside. And I know that I am going to take action. I am going to step forward.
I just have to have faith that the quiet ache will leave me when I do.
